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Sat, Jan. 17th, 2004, 10:52 pm

i haven't done much lately. i had four tests on friday. geometry, french, history, and biology. can't say that i did very good on all of them, but i kicked major butt on the french and biology. thanks to many long hours studying (yes, i finally studied for some tests).
last night, i went to the mall with kristin and her friend kersey. i didn't feel very good. i was having chest pain and stuff again. we were supposed to go to a party afterward. i really didn't feel like going to a party and feeling utterly uncomfortable for five hours. so, i called my mom and asked her to come pick me up. she refused. she said i was crazy. i ended up going to the party because she forced me to go. i felt terrible all night.
i did call her to come and get me later, though. my dad came. when i got home, she yelled at me and everything. she thinks i'm drawing away from my friends because she thinks i'm antisocial. antisocial? i'm sorry that there's acid wearing away the lining of my esophagus. for god's sake, she doesn't understand anything going on right now. i haven't felt good in at least three months. she's dragging me to a psychologist soon. i told her she could waste her money, but i wasn't going to talk to the shrink. and better yet, i refuse to go on any kind of medication for depression. i'm not depressed. i'm a little neurotic at times, but damn it, i'm not depressed. all those meds make you drool and twitch. they have nasty side effects. not to mention they're tough on your stomach.. which is the last thing i need right now. plus, they alter your mind. i don't want to think differently. i don't want to change. they'll get in the way of my writing.
anyway. my stupid parents went out to dinner tonight and stuck me with my brother. i watched 'the goodbye girl'. the remake. it was terrible. but i absolutely loved jeff daniels' character.
i'm going to go. probably write or something.

Sat, Jan. 10th, 2004, 04:12 pm

it's finally the weekend. since christmas vacation ended, i've had such a hard time actually getting up and wanting to go to school. this week went so slow.
today is my brother's birthday. he's thirteen... which is so crazy, because i can't imagine my little brother being anything but my little brother. for his birthday, he got half-baked on dvd from moi, an antique lighter from my sister, and my parents got him stuff for his snowboard. we're going to benningan's later for his dinner.

Wed, Jan. 7th, 2004, 10:33 pm

i haven't posted in a while, so i thought i'd post.
my new year was pretty great. my family, me, and celia, went to a bunch of activities in wilmington. it was pretty nice. they had some music, a frank sinatra impersonator, and some crafts. i love this band that played called reju.. they were an acoustic cafe act from massachusetts. they were great.
anyway, since then, i started school again. i wasn't happy to go back, but at least i'm not lazy anymore. i've had a lot of homework. i didn't go to school today, though.
i had a videofluroscopy done. found out that nothing's wrong with my esophagus, lower esophageal sphincter or anything else that's part of the swallowing process. i'm so happy that i'm basically okay. no achalasia, esophageal spasm, or anything out of the ordinary.
the doctor, who was really young to be the head of the speech pathology department, kind of gave me a doubting look when i discussed my symptoms with him. he acted like nothing was going to show up in the xray. boy, i beat he was surprised when he found out that i was refluxing like a madman. turns out i have acid reflux rrrreeeaalllyy bad. and my stomach's in spasm, so they think i have gastritis or something. the speech pathologist said that it's really rare for someone my age to have those stomach spasms. i have to go see the gastro to have an endoscopy done.
anyway, other than that, i had a very uneventful day. i slept until 10:30, went for my xray at 1, came back at 10 after 2. after that, i watched a little tv, caught up on my homework, and decided to get online for a little bit.
anyway, the daily show's coming on soon. i'm going to go.

Wed, Dec. 31st, 2003, 01:44 pm

it's new year's eve. my sister's having a party, so she and my mom are cleaning and stuff. the way i look at it - i'm not having a party, i'm not cleaning. i know i should help out a little more around the house, but i just don't see the point in it. i do enough.

celia is coming over today, and then we're going to this thing in delaware. the first night activities. they're going to have some singers and musicians and stuff. it's something different. we're going to eat out or something. usually, my family and i eat really late (around 10), and it's nice. after that, we usually wait until midnight and go out to bang pots. we're started that as a tradition on my house.. now, we're the only ones that do it anymore. then, we come back into the house depending on who's hair is the darkest. i'm usually the last to come back in. it's a scottish tradition. my mom has so many traditions. we eat an orange on christmas eve for good luck. that's an irish tradition, i think. something like that. new year's day, we have a brunch.

i should go.

Mon, Dec. 29th, 2003, 01:33 am
a survey.

Name: hayley
Nickname: haileigh/kay/lotus (mom)
Birthday: january 26
Birthplace: philly


Current mood: really bored, which is why i'm doing this survey.
Current music: the soundtrack to "a mighty wind". very nice. got it for christmas. if you like folk music - check it out.
Current taste: uhm.. nothing really. just some gaviscon i took earlier. quite yuck.
Current hair: in a rather messy ponytail
Current clothes: a pair of pajama pants with tinkerbell on them, a white teeshirt, a pair of socks with leopard print on them, and a navy sweatshirt. oh, yeah. i match.
Current annoyance: boredom.
Current smell: none, really.
Current thing I ought to be doing: working on my application for the pa govenor's school. yeah.. right.
Current windows open: aol and word.
Current favorite band: the beatles, the wallflowers, and bright eyes
Current book: catcher in the rye. i love that book. <3
Current cd in stereo: the soundtrack to "a mighty wind".
Current crush: ..uhm.. matt? maybe. i don't know. i'm a little uncertain at this moment.
Current favorite celeb: johnny depp. as always. oh. and jakob dylan. and jon stewart. yes. i have many.
Current hate: antacids.

=Do I=

Smoke?: no. ick.
Do drugs?: nooooo. ick.
Have sex?: wouldn't you like to know?
Give oral sex?: yet again, wouldn't you like to know?
Receive oral sex?: YET AGAIN. wouldn't you like to know?
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yes.
Remember your first love?: yes.
Still love him/her?: maybe.
Read the newspaper?: not really. which is weird, because i always know what's going on in the world.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: of course. this is after the millenium.. being gay isn't such a shocker anymore.
Believe in miracles?: yes.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: it depends. people are different. i, personally, had some falling out with faith. i overcame it and consider myself very spiritual.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: i'm a quaker. yes, i'm highly tolerant of people. especially opinions i don't agree with.
Consider love a mistake?: no. some people get luck.. some don't. it's as simple as that.
Like the taste of alcohol?: yes. :( but, i can't drink it.
Have a favorite candy?: uhh.. starburst. probably.
Believe in astrology?: yes.
Believe in magic?: yes.
Believe in god?: yes.
Have any pets: yep. a fluffy sheepdog named menlow.
Go to or plan to go to college: hell yes. education is my ticket out of here.
Have any piercings?: just my ears, but after i graduate i'm getting my eyebrow pierced.
Have any tattoos?: uck. no. i hate pain.
Hate yourself: sometimes.
Have an obsession?: yesss. the daily show. music. everything.
Have a secret crush?: it's not a secret. somebody spread it everywhere.
Do they know yet?: yeah. and he's rather disturbed.
Have a best friend?: yes.
Wish on stars?: yes. i'm still six.
Care about looks?: not really.

=Love life=

First crush: some kid in pre-school.
First kiss: uhhh. i think his name was brian.
Single or attached?: really single.
Ever been in love?: yes.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: not really.
Do you believe in "the one?": i believe there's someone out there for everyone.. if you find them, you're lucky.
Describe your ideal significant other: let's see... he'd be a lover of poetry, a bit cynical, left-leaning (of course), a bit on the morbid side, reader of kerouac, and a cellist (there's nothing sexier than a man that can play a cello).

=Juicy stuff=

Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: nope.
Have you ever been intoxicated?: amazingly, no.
Favorite place to be kissed?: the hollow spot, between the collar bones.
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": no.
Are you a tease?: no.
Shy to make the first move?: rather.

=Word association=

Rubber: boots
Rock: bob dylan
Green: elves
Wet: diaper
Cry: bambi
Peanut: butter
Hay: cow
Cold: snow
Steamy: iron
Fast: run
Freaky: my little brother
Rain: sun
Bite: me
fuck: you
Blow: a kiss
Religion: god

Hair: it's a mess, lately. it's about two inches above my waist. split ends, uneven chopping. i cut my own hair. it's a nightmare. it's a pretty color, though.. sort of a blondish red, with light brown roots. i'm going to get a perm next week, hopefully. it's desperate for something to make it look halfway decent.
Eyes: blue
Height: five feet. grr.

Bought: when i went christmas shopping... what i bought? i don't know.
Ate & Drank: an ego waffle.. and probably water.
Read: the scarlet letter for school.
Watched on tv: uhh.. i think it was the sound of music this morning.

--EITHER / OR:--
club or houseparty: houseparty. more personal.
beer or cider: wine.
drinks or shots: drinks.
cats or dogs: i like both.
single or taken: taken.
pen or pencil: depends.
gloves or mittens: gloves.
food or candy: food.
cassette or cd: cd or record.
coke or pepsi: neither.. can't drink soda.
this or that: that.

kill: nothing. i'm a friend of truth - we object violence. ;)
get really wasted with: if i was stupid enough to get wasted ... probably bob marley.
look like: nicole kidman.
be like: tori amos.
avoid: a lot of people.

talked to: my sister.
hugged: uhhh.. my mom?
instant messaged: hmm. i don't remember.
kissed: probably my family.

eat: in the living room or the den.
cry: my room.
wish you were: london.

Dated one of your best friends? no
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yes
Drank alcohol? yes
Done drugs? no
Broken the law? yeah. just by drinking alcohol.
Run away from home? tried to ... when i was like eight.
Broken a bone? i had a hairline fracture in my wrist.. but that doesn't really count.
Played Truth Or Dare? of course.
Kissed someone you didn't know? no.
Been in a fight? nope.
Come close to dying? yeah. a little while ago, i had a choking episode. scared the crap out of me.

--WHAT IS:--
The most embarrassing CD in your collection?: lmao. already, you caught me ... red handed. the essential neil diamond cd collection.
Your bedroom like?: childish. i'm still trying to get it redone. it has teddy bears on the wall.
Your favorite thing for breakfast? uhh.. french toast, probably.
Your favorite restaurant?: carmine's or bennigan's.


What's on your bedside table?: everything and anything.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: nothing. i can't eat after a certain hour.
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: Puff the Magic Dragon.
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?:
i'd have a breast reduction. i hate big breasts. they're a pain in the ass.
What is your biggest fear?: aspiration! it's so scary. it feels like you're drowning.
What feature are you most insecure about?: i'm a little insecure about my weight.. but it doesn't bother me that much.
Do you ever have to beg?: no.
Are you a pyromaniac?: depends. if someone hands me a lighter, of course i'm going to play with it.
Do you have too many love interests?: definitely not.
Crushes?: just one.
Do you know anyone famous?: i'm related to mickey vernon :P no one knows who he is, though
Describe your bed: i have a bazillion pillows, and soon my bed's going to be raised six inches or so. a lot of stuffed animals... yeah, i know. i'm too old for them.
Spontaneous or plain?: spontaneous.
Do you know how to play poker?: of course.
What do you carry with you at all times?: cell phone. everywhere.
How do you drive?: 10 and 2! no.. i don't drive. less than a month, though, and i'll hopefully have my permit.
What do you miss most about being little?: dance class.
Are you happy with your given name?: no.
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: i couldn't afford to give up the internet. i need it for school and stuff.
What color is your bedroom?: it's red. my least favorite color.
What was the last song you were listening to?: "a kiss at the end of the rainbow" by mitch and mickey.
Have you ever been in a play?: yep, but i'm terrible at acting.
Who are your best friends?: lauryn, julie, vickie, kristin, and celia.
Do you talk a lot?: depends who i'm around.
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: not as much as i could.
Do you think you're cute?: not really. i don't think i'm ugly, but i'm a long way from being cute. i like to think i'm interesting looking.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? no.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: no. i'm kind of a bitch.
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: considering i'm unattached, i would say my friends.
What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: that's their business.. not mine.

Sun, Dec. 28th, 2003, 11:41 pm

i'm finally back on livejournal. it feels like a breath of fresh air. i've been on greatestjournal, blurty, caleida, ujournal, and unlimitedrpg. i'm finally back on the mother journal provider. i originally was imsobroken and decemberdust. i personally like this username much better. livejournal certainly has changed. yet again, so have i.